My own healing journey began largely after I met my boyfriend, now husband, Ryan. I was 21 and there was a part of me that felt like I had come home and felt exhilarated, joyful and deeply at peace, like I’d never experienced before in a romantic relationship. Yet months later my fear of commitment, paralyzed me. I literally had a visceral reaction to my heart saying yes to this man, the messaging was “leave now, or suffer this way always. You have to choose, this love or your steadiness.” I was shattered, what was this pull to leave that had nothing to do with my desire to stay? What was this bossy force and why was it so powerful and convincing? What had happened to me?
Healing did not happen overnight, but the journey toward it did.
There was too much at stake to buy into my fears, I wouldn’t run this time, I didn’t want to. I began reading books on spirituality like “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and “Spirit Junkie” by Gabrielle Bernstein. I started a regular yoga practice with my mom and sisters, began seeing a therapist that specialized in Yoga Therapy, healing through breath work, movement and talk therapy. I journaled relentlessly, trying to find clues as to what I might be moving through, or more accurately, what was moving through me. All of the ease, joy, fun and play of my previous self, from just months ago, was drained out of me. I felt like a part of me had vacated my body, leaving me hollow, frightened and disillusioned. There was a loud, frantic urgent voice within me that shouted “ GET OUT, GET OUT NOW! And you can have YOU back. I am your intuition, here to save you. RUN!” yet, there was a quiet whisper, an element of wisdom within me that said “Stay. Stay and be free. Choose you, and ask for guidance.”
Arriving to where I am today was a challenging, often confusing, and passionate process, a true labour of [self] love. I became a certified yoga instructor and hypnosis practitioner, essential oils found me and they supported me further in my healing journey. My essential oil mentor, walked me through protocols for applications, as well as how to incorporate them into my daily practices, and reap the benefits aromatically, internally and topically. Somewhere along the line, I learned about trauma. Until then I was unfamiliar with this condition and I was unaware of how it impacted me personally. I did not realize that I had suffered from Post Traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD), a result of an inconsistent and tumultuous upbringing. I began to understand that my central nervous system had been shattered and dysregulated as a result of my childhood and that patterns had been cultivated inside of me unconsciously for survival, and they were running the show. I became disciplined about my daily practices and devoted to the dedication of my Highest self. I know that I can guide you on your journey to healing and finding lasting joy, because I led myself there and I was my most challenging client. I have finally arrived to a place where I can share my own healing process with others so that they may experience their own transformation and live in the full expression of who they were meant to be. My work is an expression of where I’ve been, how I’ve healed and who I’ve become as a result. I stand today in appreciation of all of it, and I bow in deep reverence to the journey that has led me to you, and you, to me.
I have come to recognize that the journey is as fruitful as the arrival.
We must live in faith, with awareness that the process on our way to becoming, is where we practice who we want to be once we arrive. Thus, making even the challenges meaningful. A life lived like this is filled with joy, purpose and fulfillment along the way. Which is both powerful and encouraging, as the only time we truly have, is NOW!
Be awake and present for your life, feel everything and then release and let it go. Discover a spiritual connection of your own understanding. Trust the Earth beneath you, that has always supported, held and grounded you. Come back to your breath again and again, the portal into seeing the beauty of the ebb and flow of life, reminding us to trust the process. We can rely on this energy, it’s both law and it’s love, it is the law of love. With practice we can learn to embrace it with as much certainty as we do the breath, knowing that with every inhale, an exhale must follow.