Revelations post nouriSHEd event:
During the nouriSHEd event on the eve of Dec 28th I pulled the Protection oracle card. I went on to come home and see that proclamation EVERYWHERE! The necklace I was wearing, Douglas Fir – the essential oil I had intuitively blended into our anointing body blend called Divine Protection, a recent Christmas gift I was given, with a beautifully beaded Protective Eye on it, the theme of support and protection was all around.
Circle back to that morning…
In the bath on Dec 28th I had a recollection of my high school fashion show and over preparing to “protect myself” from external judgement of not being good enough. I recognized:
I am intimidated by external judgement
I feel it in my heart.
I then tapped:
Even though I am intimidated by external judgement and feel this tenderly in my heart, I deeply and completely love & accept myself.
I then tapped the meridian points, reciting:
“Intimidated / external judgments”, until I felt an release and energy begin to move from an 8 in intensity to about a 3.
I was then able to release “The Girl” (thou who shall not be named), a potent figure from the memory, from being a mirror and planting a seed of inferiority within me when she said: you’re not even a good dancer. They chose you for diversity. I cut the cord from that experience and owned that she was a mirror that simply reflected my insecurities on the inside.
I then tuned into the fact that I always showed up and did the thing that intimidated me and that was a running theme in my life. It wasn’t the outcome, good dancer; bad dancer the point was I wanted to have the experience of dancing on stage, and so I did that. Despite my doubts, I did it. I trusted and believed in something bigger, I must have or I wouldn’t have taken all of the micro steps and each choice that eventually led me on stage to dance.
We have a long standing joke in our family about the Oscar “party” I threw, when I was younger, that only one friend showed up for. My dad loved to tease, or remind me, of how I kicked everyone out of the room (house), loaded up on snacks and printed Oscar nomination voting sheets for all of my guests. I would cringe whenever this story was told at my disappointing failure flop of a party. But again, I was too hasty to focus on the wrong thing. I extracted valuable lessons on the importance of how much notice to give people, poling genuine interest on who wanted to attend an evening like this, connecting back mid week, resolving that I wanted to watch the Oscars and that people could come if they could come, but if they couldn’t that was cool too. And most importantly, to be present for the ONE who did show up. The more I look back at that story it’s through the lens of: trust that whoever is meant to be there, will be there; watch for who you are becoming on the journey toward the destination and to relinquish control of outcome.
These two scenarios are ever present in the life path I’ve chosen to this day. I still invite people to things all of the time (professionally and personally), I’m still planning events and desire for others to join, I still move toward my desires despite my doubts and I continue to trust the process and am driven by the experience I desire to have, over the discouraging, detracting, reasonable discomfort I feel along the way.
Ahh, but growth.
The growth that can only come through having had the experience, not conceptualizing it.
I’m softer around expectation, I’m more open about outcome, and I’m basically here almost fully, for the journey.
I just keep stepping on stage, often riddled in intimidation of external judgement, and I just keep on inviting others to join.
And whoever shows up; shows up.
I’m here for the ONE.
My full presence and gratitude bestowed upon them.
I lean into the knowing that I am divinely supported and protected.
In everything, always.
And so too, my friend, are you.
So just keep dancing.