From as early as I can remember, I was receiving the intended messaging that I was not a contender for winning at the game they’d created.

Simultaneously, there was an awareness of they.

I had begun to run the program of “not good enough by contrast”

I remember, as I began maturing into a young woman, feeling a way about the contrast of my dark complexion against the pale white of a tall blonde woman’s

By this point the program had been installed and set up to run almost on autopilot, by design, but by who’s?

It wasn’t even by comparison, that the instalment would run.
If I were to compare myself, I had many accomplishments, inherent gifts, I was a light that shone and if you really cared to look you would capture it shining back as an appearance that was rather quite attractive.

It was by contrast alone.
The difference between us, weaponized against me alluding to a sense of filth, dirty, tarnished, lesser than – right off the gate.

The de-programming looped in and out for years.

I had a felt sense that the stories in my head were not my own, but one that had been read to me, shown to me, expressed to me over and over and over again, like brainwashing.

My brain washed of original thought, robbed of the opportunity to create my own stories, by my own merit. The innocence of getting to be a blank slate to self discover and uncover or self express, stripped away.

Due to the programming running through the veins of those who had appearances that varied in likeness to my own, I concluded rightfully that this was no doubt the intention, a collective placement to solidify the takedown.

As an individual with an innate sense of curiosity and natural sense of wonder an experiment of my own was running alongside this other programming – that was more like an infiltration that lacked consent. What drove me was a curiosity around my own unique and personal self, in relation to the interconnectedness of others.

When the discomfort of being othered, even by experience or through the lens of differing lived experiences, had me turtle, made me shut up and just grin and bear in attempt to just fit in,

Don’t stand out
Don’t stand out
Don’t stand out

I began to watch that tendency with a sense of curiosity, “where does the root of this belief even come from?”

Rather than believing what was arising, I began to question it.

The anthem of “be who you are, accept what we tell you about yourself” began to loosen its grip and started to be replaced with an irrevocable sense of inner knowing.

Intelligent, wise questions, arose, such as…
How can all that I am, possibly be known simply by looking at me?

Whose agenda was behind such an impossible feat, of demanding one try and express everything that they are, with one aspect so shallow as appearance, and allows that to end the conversation on everything that they could be?

What an enormous pressure and weight to put on a child, an individual, a collective.

Who would do that?

And slowly the envy turned to awareness
The contrast, a point of pride
Confusion to understanding
Wounds began to heal and love of self began to emerge.
Knowing began to form.

The knowing of… I am not separate from Source and neither are you.

My worth is inherent, any persuasion to the contrary says everything about the persuader, nothing about myself. The same is true for you.

My inheritance is beyond the acquisitions of the stuff of a sick society, but one of merit, such as kindness, heart, generosity, spirit, the inheritance of love.

This is available to each of us. This is the best of who we are, the full potential of what we could be.

Now that I know who I am, it can not be defined by anyone outside of myself, and I’m here to spread the word, that this is also true for you.

Our individual expression serves the collective.

Some are awakening as others remain asleep. Paradigms are shifting, from 3D to Higher consciousness. Two things can be true at once, your rising is independent of the stuckness of others, yet your rising serves everyone, particularly those who remain stuck.

What we do with this divine responsibility, is all our own, once we awaken to our uniqueness we awaken to the uniqueness within the other and we can begin to serve from here.

A sacred stance, in honour of a united world come together through our perceived differences.

The contrast becomes a point of celebration and integration, weaving through the tapestry of one people, one Earth, One Love.

– Alia Jihan (Ascending Universe) Francisco

The post Higher appeared first on Manifest With Alia.

Recently in the femme healing spaces of coaching, mindfulness and other forms of practicing wellness, I am seeing this narrative of women, from the same industry, coming into spaces created, nurtured and led by other women, attacking them, demanding they provide the details of their schooling, specifically westernized degrees, in order to validate their position of influence and impact.

To those holding this belief, I ask:

Is what you’re fighting for representative of the world you want to live in?

One that perpetuates the witch wound and seeks to silence the Divine Feminine for its own “power over” privileges?

Whose agenda are you advocating for?

Female led communities made up of mostly women should be led to trust themselves.

Approaching this unsolicited attack under the guise of protecting those occupying the space, by their own will, is painfully misguided.

A saviour rhetoric is archaic and truly harmful to point to wisdom as something we seek without, or that is acquired externally, rather than a Source that comes from within.

All we can do for one another is point to Truth.

The moment we believe we are the  barometer or holder of Truth exclusively – that we then impart to another, we are in ego.

Our lived experiences are our credentials; 
Our healing & caring are our qualifications.

Coming to another women’s platform, her circle, where she is being illuminated, and charging her for receipts, challenging her every right to stand in her belief of herself, where she is signalling out light beams to others to have the courage to do the same, is reflective of a core maternal wound.

One where women are undervalued and criticized for taking up space with confidence.

Stemming from a paradigm that pits women against women, as we are still seeing today spaces of authority occupied predominantly by men, the messaging being “we only have space for one of you.”

This is so embedded in our psyche, as women, that although it tragically fails to serve us, we continually perpetuate the paradigm with our unconscious yet tangible fear, that another woman coming up threatens our safety of being validated alongside her.

Rather than celebrating her and seeing her as a reflection of our own capability, our instinct is to tear her down.

We must become present to this internal invalidation, so that we may consciously undo this toxic messaging that simply serves to protect positions of power from changing hands.

The invitation is this:

The next time you feel the conviction to enter a femme space and ridicule a woman in her power for not proving herself enough, consider by what standards you are measuring this accountability.

She is entirely worthy of illumination, by birthright not by acquisition.

The question then becomes, where did you acquire the understanding that in order for something to hold merit it must be certified?

Is there room in this belief to make space for the healing of this rhetoric and allows for the leaning into a Source of worthiness that too, is within you and entirely your birthright?

The post Healing the Female Wound appeared first on Manifest With Alia.

A regulated nervous system is the real flex.  It’s everything, and will literally transform how you relate to the world around you.

The small wins, as we know, make up the sum total of a lifetime, so keep collecting those micro moments and they will add up to something you can be very proud of.

This is how it looked this morning.

A very relatable morning of stimuli and chaos for our little family getting out of the door and attempting to be on time for school.

One little one, who has a track record for being “the lagger” was struggling to fit her morning routine into our limited time.

The same suggestions were made: wake up earlier, set things aside, put things in the rightful order of importance and so on, to no avail.

This little tardy cutie rushed to the car, that already inhabited her two sisters, mama and pup, juggling her things and looking disgruntled.

How dare we leave her, was the sentiment.

That’s right, she was scolding us for being punctual and sitting in the car awaiting her arrival to complete our departure.

As we drove to school it occurred to her, just a mere few kilometres from school that she had forgotten her water bottle and it was a trip day for her class and once again, she became dismayed by the lot of us and accusations flew once more that we had rushed her and caused this forgetfulness to occur.

As I went to kiss her goodbye and wish her a wonderful day, also willing to problem solve with her, she slammed the car door shut, accepting none of it and ushered a sarcastic “thanks a lot mom”.

Now, here’s the thing.  This whole situation is no picnic for your’s truly either.  Not like I’m kicking my feet up, experiencing the best and most easy breezy morning of my life, either.

It’s a quick assessment, isn’t it mamas?

Do we react to the behaviour, can we control our own and are we regulated enough to do a fair assessment of what’s needed.

The thing is, we know our kid.  What looks like rudeness is often overwhelm.  What can seem like aloofness, is sometimes embarrassment and when the blame flies we can usually determine our little one has lost the plot and is struggling through their own projections.

My mom win was that I was able to see the child before me, rather than react from my own inner child, who was yelping in discomfort at the triggering morning that she somehow was supposed to have “control” over.

I didn’t go head to head that morning.  I spared us both the lectures and the indignation.

I softened and I responded.

I drove to the nearby corner store and I bought her a really big water bottle and a pack of mentos, she likes them for long car rides, and a pack of mentos for each of her sisters.

When I drove back to the school I was able to catch her in the hallway and was able to give them to her directly instead of to the office for her to pick up.

She was appreciative, receptive and even reflective of her behaviour and had the ability to apologize.

Trust me, this is a practice for me.  As someone who lives by ideals rather than reality, I often mess myself up by parenting from a place of what I believe should be happening, rather than what is.

Those moments will and do happen too.

And in those moments I have longed for this version of myself, that is grounded.  The contrast between these versions of myself are no longer so vast because they are both integrated.

I brought the metaphorical flowers to that version of myself.  I continue to.

I validate her.

How tired she is, how activating her children can be, how hard she is trying and how unsure things can feel.

She’s there too for the mom win, measuring it by the regulation we feel inside.  The connection it brings about and how it in turn regulates those in the relating dynamic with us.

I want more moments like these.

Of simply being present for life as it’s unfolding in real time and moving with it in a way that feels as though it’s serving what I want most of all;
to be connecting and relating considerately, compassionately and kindly to my loved ones.

Please hear me, this is not about getting it perfect.

It’s about celebrating how you integrated your feelings of frustration, disappointment, irritation and anger and allowed yourself to feel that while simultaneously responding in a way that you can feel proud of.

This time.

Plus, you know what?  Best of all, I got the kiss, and, a hug.  And it was so meaningful under these circumstances.

We held it a little longer and sunk into it a little deeper.  We both felt grateful  and completely present for it.

We’d just been through something together and we both had felt it.

It wasn’t a perfect morning, but despite our imperfections, we navigated it pretty perfectly/alright.

As I write this, I kid you not, my dog has just barfed black gobbly goop onto the rug.  A result, I can only imagine, from eating mud caked wood chips at the dog park.

As the Universe often does, with that wicked sense of humour of her’s, I am presented with yet another opportunity to practice regulation under stress, once again.

The post Mom Win In Real Time. appeared first on Manifest With Alia.

And, it is.

As a mom, there have been periods of time when I have not felt like I can parent the way I wished to.

If I was constantly reading and bombarded with messages about how I knew it was time to leave my kids but I was just feeling afraid to, it would seem like a normal thing to do and we would potentially see a rise in people doing that, as we do in witnessing the dissolving of marriages, not just in tough times, but in bored ones, as well as in pockets of uncertainty.

Instead we are given tools to tend to the nuances of parenting, so that despite its challenges, we are committed to the potential of joy it has to bring.

This is not a debate about staying or leaving your relationship, or even about the inevitable challenges of parenting.

It’s about being mindful of external influences, your personal tendencies and having vigilant awareness of when you may be at the intersection of vulnerable and impressionable, during certain phases of your 28 day cycle, as a woman.

This context and understanding can literally change how we relate in the world.  Empowering us to be authentic and aligned, attentive and compassionate to ourselves, in a way we may have never been taught before.

I struggle with disordered, obsessive, compulsive thinking, during my late luteal and menstrual phase.

I ruminate over the potential doom and gloom of an important situation and I circle the drain with zero solution capability, just paralyzing worry.

It can and has been centred around:

Parenting

Relationship

Vocation

Racism

Prior to mapping my cycle and understanding the inner and outer phases as natural, I would be overcome with a desire (or more accurately, an overwhelming compulsion) to RUN, when faced with being hijacked by an entity that consumed my thoughts and behaviour.

I would be that woman deeply provoked by outside messages.

Who although was deeply contented and felt valued in their marriage, would feel an uncanny amount of doubt.

Before consciously navigating my rhythm and cycles, I would mistake this as an intuitive warning, that something must be wrong.

I could be taken down similarly about world issues that I could not control, that all of a sudden felt as though they had complete control over me.

Where before I felt motivated to take a particular course of action, I was instead replaced by feelings of wanting to retreat in crippling fear.

In parenting where I would feel capable, I would all of a sudden feel defeated and ladled with uncertainty.

Prior to inner child work, I neglected to sit with my uncomfortable feelings and rather dismissed them and charged on.

I would recommend to any client I’m working with, track your cycle and know which phase you’re in before making any major life decisions.

The urge and pull of late luteal and menstrual, for example, is potent, convincing and destructive.

It’s best to integrate and bring these feelings into balance before moving.

If you’re reading this and disagree and feel like you make your best decisions in the liminal phase, I’d love to hear from you!  Women are brilliant and powerful and intuitive and I trust the experience of every single one.

I too navigated life and relationships without this understanding for many many years, until the cost was too high and I became devoted to having a deeper understanding.  From there, this woman emerged.

The woman who knows she waivers in trusting herself and feels at the mercy of a powerful energy that doesn’t seem her own, one that clouds her judgment rather than clears it.  An energy that she is waiting to pass, so that she can feel like “herself” again.

The woman who believes that God doesn’t play dice with the Universe, and so if hormones come in there must be purpose for it.  Not just an unfriendly visitor that comes in every 28 days that one must avoid direct eye contact with at all costs.

The woman looking to extract the meaning and significance from this phase by examining what still needs to be healed, what she has been tolerating, where communication is needed and/ or boundaries implemented.

The women who resources the great dark period as a teacher, here to help her rise from an illusion.  To fear death no longer as she has moved through it and been tossed around by it until she learned to dance with it, and integrate it as part of life.

This woman wants to navigate the wholeness of the experience of being alive, avoiding none of it.  This is the call from her brave heart, giving true meaning, significance and embodiment to the word, brave.

I’ve come to recognize, we are all this woman.  On varying different stages of our journey but united in this nature all the same.

I love you

I’m here with you.

You’re brave,

Brave Heart.

x.

The post Brave Heart: Navigating Your Inner World as a Woman, Bravely. appeared first on Manifest With Alia.

Revelations post nouriSHEd event:

During the nouriSHEd event on the eve of Dec 28th I pulled the Protection oracle card. I went on to come home and see that proclamation EVERYWHERE! The necklace I was wearing, Douglas Fir – the essential oil I had intuitively blended into our anointing body blend called Divine Protection, a recent Christmas gift I was given, with a beautifully beaded Protective Eye on it, the theme of support and protection was all around.

Circle back to that morning…

In the bath on Dec 28th I had a recollection of my high school fashion show and over preparing to “protect myself” from external judgement of not being good enough. I recognized:

I am intimidated by external judgement

I feel it in my heart.

I then tapped:

Even though I am intimidated by external judgement and feel this tenderly in my heart, I deeply and completely love & accept myself.

I then tapped the meridian points, reciting:

“Intimidated / external judgments”, until I felt an release and energy begin to move from an 8 in intensity to about a 3.

I was then able to release “The Girl” (thou who shall not be named), a potent figure from the memory, from being a mirror and planting a seed of inferiority within me when she said: you’re not even a good dancer. They chose you for diversity. I cut the cord from that experience and owned that she was a mirror that simply reflected my insecurities on the inside.

I then tuned into the fact that I always showed up and did the thing that intimidated me and that was a running theme in my life. It wasn’t the outcome, good dancer; bad dancer the point was I wanted to have the experience of dancing on stage, and so I did that. Despite my doubts, I did it. I trusted and believed in something bigger, I must have or I wouldn’t have taken all of the micro steps and each choice that eventually led me on stage to dance.

We have a long standing joke in our family about the Oscar “party” I threw, when I was younger, that only one friend showed up for. My dad loved to tease, or remind me, of how I kicked everyone out of the room (house), loaded up on snacks and printed Oscar nomination voting sheets for all of my guests. I would cringe whenever this story was told at my disappointing failure flop of a party. But again, I was too hasty to focus on the wrong thing. I extracted valuable lessons on the importance of how much notice to give people, poling genuine interest on who wanted to attend an evening like this, connecting back mid week, resolving that I wanted to watch the Oscars and that people could come if they could come, but if they couldn’t that was cool too. And most importantly, to be present for the ONE who did show up. The more I look back at that story it’s through the lens of: trust that whoever is meant to be there, will be there; watch for who you are becoming on the journey toward the destination and to relinquish control of outcome.

These two scenarios are ever present in the life path I’ve chosen to this day. I still invite people to things all of the time (professionally and personally), I’m still planning events and desire for others to join, I still move toward my desires despite my doubts and I continue to trust the process and am driven by the experience I desire to have, over the discouraging, detracting, reasonable discomfort I feel along the way.

Ahh, but growth.

The growth that can only come through having had the experience, not conceptualizing it.

I’m softer around expectation, I’m more open about outcome, and I’m basically here almost fully, for the journey.

I just keep stepping on stage, often riddled in intimidation of external judgement, and I just keep on inviting others to join.

And whoever shows up; shows up.

I’m here for the ONE.

My full presence and gratitude bestowed upon them.

I lean into the knowing that I am divinely supported and protected.

In everything, always.
And so too, my friend, are you.

So just keep dancing.

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